This is a whole new thing to me. I grew up in a traditional family. Then my parents got divorced after I had left home, and now my mom is getting re-married. What sort of gift do you give your parent at their wedding?

My siblings and future step-siblings are all adults and don't live with our parents, but we're still going to be a family, which seems realy weird to me. How was all this work? I don't even know what problems/issues to expect.

Does anyone know of any good books to read on the subject of being an adult step-child?

First of all, I'll be praying for you and your family as this huge transition takes place.

I would say be prepared for family roles to change - I don't know how it is with adults, but for our children who were 5 - 11 years of age when we married we had a full blown identity crisis. The boys were both oldest boys and we had two youngest girls. It was hard and long for them to establish their new identity in the hierarchy of our new family.

Lay down anything you want to change and pray for God to show you how to make your transition into this "new" family (new because your family will be redefined to some extent). Embrace this as a new opportunity to love and be loved. Don't require too much from others at first, you will all have to work your way through the process but it can be done.

Pray, did I say that already? I don't know if you remember this, but Jesus was a 1/2 brother - he lived in a "blended family" of sorts. We even read about his brothers being critical and unkind to him when He went home to teach in the Synagogue.

Remember, this is your mom's decision - you are an adult and so you should respond to this with maturity, respect and love for her and everything should be just fine. Expect struggles and personality conflicts, but it is far better to be the voice of reason than a voice of dissension.

I have never been in your situation - and only speak from the platform of having blended our family. Your mom is going to need your support - I would suggest waiting to see which way the wind blows and be prepared for any response. I'm sure everyone is having the same misgivings you are - and if not, then you will be prayed up, Sister.

If you go to Lifeway.com and type adult step-children in the search box you may find helpful articles or resources.

Blessings.

I didn't buy gifts for either of my parents' remarriages. Of course, they all were married "quietly" - justice of the peace affairs not in a ceremony with invite list, etc.

Communicate with your mom and ask her what her expectations are. You never know. My mother didn't have any expectations when she got remarried (I think she's on #3), so it was very freeing.

My dad on the other hand was disappointed with the acceptance of his new wife - but HE handled it very poorly. It was like, all of a sudden, "Mary" was living with him, and then he was marrying her. There was no communication about what was going on, no "join us for a reception after the wedding" kind of stuff. It was hard for us to just "accept" this. And then, "Mary" came with lots of baggage - not just 4 kids of her own (I think all were out of the house except one), but she had "issues" and did things differently, so it was hard to visit in their home.

I was already out of the house, too, when my parents divorced, but I also lived in another country and about 4-5 hours drive away so I didn't have much interaction with step-sibs, and still don't.

My brother & sister didn't have much interaction with the step-sibs either, even though they lived in the area.

You are going to have to take your specific situation step-by-step, one day a time.

In our case, my brother and I don't have much interaction with the step-sibs. They are their family unit, we are ours. We do the shared things.... like milestone birthdays (the tens and the fives - like 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, 65, etc.) We do graduation open houses for each other's kids. That's about it.

The big thing is ask your mom what she wants from you - and what her expectations are of your behavior towards the new people in your family.

Oh, and regarding my mom's #3 husband. I don't know any of his kids. None. I think I met a couple of them last year at my sister's funeral, but that's the first time in maybe 10 years that mom & her DH have been together.

Thanks ladies for your advice and prayers!

I've met his kids, and we are all acting like adults (they are closer to my mom's age than to mine). We're happy for our parents, it's just weird to think that we'll all get together for holidays, but we don't really know each other.

His kids visit them a lot for various holidays, but I don't know how often I'll make it home. My family is on the east cost and I'm out on the west coast working with YWAM. So last Christmas I was in India, and I might be there again this year.

So my family is changing a lot, and I am dealing with the transition from a distance.