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Help - My Pastor's wife is jealous of me...
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Picture of allabouthim
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I know this is crazy and I'm embarrassed to write it... but I need help. This has been going on for over a year now with no hope of a resolution. Every attempt to reconcile with her is met with a closed door. She admitted she was jealous of my ministry and how God was using me in the church over a year ago. But, she has continued in the same awful behavior, she doesn't speak to me or if she does she is barely civil, she undermines things I'm trying to do, etc. What do I do? I'm certain that God has called me to this church and these women for a season such as this - but she is basically making my ministry ineffective. Should I just leave? Oh, but I don't want to give up and miss God either.
 
Posts: 53 | Registered: July 22, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of hiahcent
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Have you talked to your pastor?

What is God telling you as you have prayed through this?

Is she jealous of other women in ministry at your church? Or does she fear your relationship with her husband?

Does she need to join in you the women's ministry work at your church?
 
Posts: 786 | Location: Bossier City, LA, USA | Registered: January 30, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of allabouthim
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I'm the WM leader at our church and have been for 2 years - so I'm involved in a lot of things.

Yes, I've talked to the Pastor about the situation and my position as well. He assurred me that he wanted me to stay in the position, but I feel I'm getting less and less support from him. It is touchy talking to the Pastor about his wife's unkind behavior.

I've prayed & prayed and have been certain with confirmation that I was to remain steadfast. But, this is really just getting worse and maybe I'm just weary; but for the first time I'm seriously thinking that our leaving the church might be the best.

It seems to be the relationship of the other women in the church with women. She feels threatened. But, I've not stepped over any boundaries and have just been friendly to the ladies.

Every attempt is made to include her, but she wants to work as a "loner" more than a team. If it is decorating for a banquet - then she wants to do it her way with a chosen few to help her. This is so opposite my style of ministry.
 
Posts: 53 | Registered: July 22, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of LuvMyJesus
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This is a tough one to offer suggestions because it may offend without intentions to offend.

Satan would like nothing better than to take the both of you down. Being in the frontline of ministry, your reaction and your response is crucial as to whether or not satan has a foothold in a particular situation.

I've fallen because I've found myself looking at man rather than God. Though it was never my intention...the more I started being bothered by it...the more my attention became upon the problem rather than on God and what He had purposed me to do.

I had to learn to repent of my own reaction (knowing that two wrongs don't make a right) and learn how to pray blessings upon the other person's life. I'll continuously go before the throne and ask the Lord why did I react the way I'm reacting, for Him to show me so that I can make things right between Him and I.

I've learned that I cannot change a person...but the power of God's love can.

I've also learned that I cannot make a person like me, but I'm not gonna let them steal my persona because they're not accepting me.

Remember your pastor's wife is accountable for her actions. You're accountable for yours. Pray that in her quiet time, the Lord ministers to her. I believe in your obedience, the Lord will cause your ministry to flourish. I'm currently doing "A Heart Like His" by Beth Moore and your situation reminds me so much of David and Saul.

There's a book out there if you haven't read yet called "A Tale of Three Kings" by Gene Edwards...its a about brokenness. I think you'll be blessed.
 
Posts: 74 | Registered: September 24, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Your right about David & Saul - I just finished that same study and it was wonderfully encouraging.

Also, I have that book in the bookshelf - I'll dig it out.

Thanks,
 
Posts: 53 | Registered: July 22, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Mooving in the Spirit
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As a WM leader--and the sense I get from you that you are a "team" player-- delegate out tasks to different people. Let her head up decorating for that banquet or some other activity and give her total control of whom she works with.etc and how she works and delegate other things to others and let them work how they do best and you how you do best. Instead of trying to do everything together this may allow her to feel less threatened and you won't get frustrated working with her!
 
Posts: 727 | Location: NJ | Registered: June 02, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Mooving in the Spirit

Thank you for your encouraging words.
 
Posts: 53 | Registered: July 22, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of DiVan~WaterGirl!
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I wonder what is deep in this woman's heart that is hurting her so bad--to cause such insecurities? I wonder how her relationship with God and her husband are?

Does your husband attend church with you? Is he close to the Lord? And does he know about this situation?
What does he think?

What a hard situation for you to be in.

~Di
 
Posts: 1777 | Location: ARKANSAS | Registered: December 19, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of WorkofGrace51
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allabouthim,

I was praying through some of the posts here on the forum earlier and I was wondering how you are doing and if your situation at church has eased a little. This is a tough situation! I do believe as Di expressed that there is an underlying concern here in the heart of this woman. There is bound to be something else going on in her life and she is expressing her feelings toward you rather than the person or situation that is giving her trouble. I am praying for you to have wisdom and discernment. I am also praying for a softening in your pastor's wife so that you two can establish a bond of some kind.

I have a good friend who is a pastor's wife. She was my mentor for years before she and her husband moved on to another church. She often commented on how tough it was to be a pastor's wife. She told me that people expected her to be a certain way, meek and soft-spoken. Yet, she is always expected to participate in choir or play the piano during worship. And, she is expected to lead every Bible study, oversee Vacation Bible school, teach Sunday school, and head up women's ministry. Well, certainly she could do all of those things but would she be doing any of them very well? Her comment to me was if she did all of those things other women would not have an opportunity to serve. She told me that pastor's wives are expected to be "Super-Perfect Church Women". That is a tough spot to be in. She always prays for people to let her be human.

I pray that tensions have eased and that she has found her niche within women's ministry.

In His Grip, Sandy Cool
 
Posts: 979 | Location: Mississippi, USA | Registered: October 20, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of allabouthim
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Thank you ladies for your concern and encouragement. Sadly the situation has not changed - but the book We Three Kings was a blessing and it really did confirm to me that I needed to leave this in the hands of God. I can only do what I know He has asked me to and the rest she will have to seek her own answers. I do agree that this is an issue within her that probably isn't directly related to me. If I wasn't clear - this is not something that is only within the Women's Ministry, but goes forth through out the church.

Yes, my husband does attend church and is close to the Lord. He is frustrated with the situation and just doesn't understand.

Sadly, we were friends at one time and now she (in her mind) has moved me to the enemy camp.
 
Posts: 53 | Registered: July 22, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Tuvyah
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All About Him,

I can relate to your situation except it isnt' the pastors wife it was her mom who was supposed to be leading the womens ministries, except it actually fell apart under her leadership.

What you're dealing with is church politics and unfortunately the church is full of politics, which is sad.

I think it's sad for a few reasons also - first because politics becomes more important than people and the ministry to the women. Power and prestige instead of humility and service. It's really about ego when it gets to the bottom line.

It's also sad too because the ladies will probably go somewhere else if their needs aren't met.

In my church both womens bible studies quit after this lady took the helm because there was no leadership. It's sad and barring a miracle from God that can come through your prayers, you're fighting an uphill battle. Why - because in the end the pastor will always take his wifes side and eventually you'll be out in the cold.

That's what I think anyway.
 
Posts: 97 | Location: Southern California | Registered: August 08, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of DiVan~WaterGirl!
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Still praying for you!

I would imagine it would probably be a difficult situation for this pastor to know what to do--he probably doesn't want to hurt his wife. Even though the right thing for him to do would be to deal with it, sometimes it SEEMS easier to not deal with something like this head on.
He probably needs prayer for wisdom.
It's hard to be a pastor's wife also. Alot of emotional things to deal with and always trying to keep your emotions in check--at least that is an expectation.

~Di
 
Posts: 1777 | Location: ARKANSAS | Registered: December 19, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Thank you for your prayers & kind words. I realize that it is only something God can resolve and I must trust that He is my advocate.
 
Posts: 53 | Registered: July 22, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Just an update & a thank you your prayers. Our Pastor resigned and this situation was never resolved. A couple of weeks prior to this, the Lord guided me to go and pray for her. The opportunity came when the evangelist ask that we come and lay hands on them and pray. As I began to pray, the Lord spoke to me the scripture from Job, when Job prayed for his friends he was released from his captivity. This happened for me. There was a complete release and a peace knowing that I had done all I could do.

A couple of weeks later when they resigned - I tried 3 different attempts to greet her and say good bye. She avoided (obviously) all efforts. I'm sorry that she left this way and pray peace for her soul.

I'm thankful for God's guidance and release to me.
 
Posts: 53 | Registered: July 22, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Thank you for updating. I'm glad you didn't let her get you to "mud-wrestle". That's one thing Beth warned all of us at Atlanta LPL to avoid.
May God bless you, mighty peacemaker!
 
Posts: 3292 | Registered: November 07, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Mooving in the Spirit
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Glad to hear God brought a good solution to your problem and hopefully for your pastor and his wife too. Sounds like there was a lot of other stuff going on there.
Glad to hear that God was working on your attitude and you were following Him--then you know you can't go wrong!
I will keep your church in prayer as they begin a new phase.
Ladies--please pray for your pastor and their wives. It is a difficult job and we/they are only human and Satan loves to throw those fiery darts at the leadership of a church. Pray for us/them to rely minute by minute on the Lord!!! That 's the only way we/they can do it! Thanks!
 
Posts: 727 | Location: NJ | Registered: June 02, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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