Hi! I'm Christie. I have 3 sons. My middle son has developmental delays. He hasn't yet been diagnosed with anything beyond developmental delays. Autism has been suspected by some while others have said "It's definitely not autism or anything on the autism spectrum." It's been a long 18 months of different medical opinions. So far his testing does not indicate autism. I've wondered about auditory processing. He's young yet so we're in the "wait and see" mode. Even so, we're having different evaluations and are always looking at what exactly is going on. His biggest delays are in speech--both receptive and expressive. He had a prolonged febrile seizure last year that could have caused some neurologic damage according to some doctors. Other doctors disagree and say it's highly unlikely...almost certain that the seizures didn't cause any damage. At any rate, he's been in S&L since he was 16 months. His OT began when he was about 18 months. He is usually pretty social, but his vocabulary is very, VERY limited for his age. It has grown very little over the past year. He is basically non-verbal. He says certain words only on his own terms...things like Wow!, no, bye, hi, I did it!, I got it!,...last week he said "brush teeth" out of the blue for the first time and we were so excited. He hasn't repeated it again...something that's typical for him. He'll say something once with such ease but not say it again. His language is basically a bonus we get occasionally. He could go all day and say very little, a very frustrating thing to his very verbal Mommy, who just would love to sit down and carry on a conversation with him. He is an adorable little boy who loves to snuggle and giggle and play.

I always knew I wanted to be at home with my little guys from birth. Homeschooling is something I've considered in the past, but only in the past few years had I started looking at HS'ing more seriously. I was looking seriously at HS'ing my four year old next year, but I'm unsure about what to do since things are as they are with my younger son.

Here we are just months away from my son's 3rd birthday and I found out through Early Intervention that he basically gets turned over to the school district after his birthday. We will have to pay to continue the private speech therapy and OT...about $60 a week if it continued as it is scheduled now. The school will provide preschool which is one day a week from 8:45-12:45 now. Next school year it will be two days a week. He'll only be THREE. He's still such a little guy and I'm really struggling over this decision. I'm wondering if any of you have been here and how all of this went for you. I see his wheels spinning. I know he's smart by his actions. I just don't know how to get the words out. I had a meeting with the school last week. The teacher is a former speech therapist. She seems really great. Everyone at my son's therapy place says wonderful things about her. She told me that children come into the program non-verbal and leave talking like crazy. Has anyone gone with a PS preschool and then gone back to homeschooling later?

My background is in education. I have experience working with a variety of children...students who were deaf, who had learning disabilities, who were autistic, and who had been diagnosed with PDD-NOS. I was in older grades though when I worked with these students...grade 2 and up to middle school. One thing with my son that makes me wonder about HS'ing is that he tends to do better when a new person walks in the room. For instance, he perks up when my husband gets home from work...or if I'm out for a little while on the weekend, he's much more in tune when he sees me after I've been gone for awhile or he's not seen me in a little while....after naptime or after speech therapy...that kind of thing. He ignores a lot and does not respond well when I try to interact with him sometimes...like when I try to read with him. He'll shut the book or put his fingers over my lips and say, "Shhhh!!!" or he'll simply walk away. Other times he'll come to me with a big smile on his face and want to interact. He'll want to read with me or play with me or just be held. I'm honestly confused by how to go about parenting with him sometimes...much less teaching him academics. Anyone been here?? I love my baby boy so much and hate the thought of sending him off to school before our bond is really where I want it to be. (It's there. It's just unpredictable! ) At the same time, I hate not to use this resource and look back later and wish I had!!!! Any insight is welcomed!! I'm praying for wisdom and praying that God will show me what HE wants in this.

I debated whether I should post yet before praying very much about what you've written but I have a few minutes NOW so I'll give you my first thoughts.

Yes I've experienced SOME of what you have with your dear boy.
My first child Luke had delayed speech and then some speech problems like stuttering and just plain repeating his thoughts until he could get it all out.
He is six and a half now and tends to add a d sound to a lot of his words and has problems with certain sounds but he is well understood and has always been bright. No stuttering for months maybe over a year now PTL!!! Unfortunately he has a very hi pitched tone to his voice and even as his mom I get annoyed by it _ something we both need to work on as for now I just try to remind him to lower his tone and take it easy.

He seemed to be developing speech very much at the normal rate around the 11-18 month range a good dozen or more regular words BUT then around 18 months almost ALL speech went away. I have more recently suspected the MMR vax to be a factor in this loss but of course I am not 100 % sure. It took him until 21/2 to start really picking up speech development again by three he had shown great improvement. At six he says many very mature multi syllable words. But again gets some sounds "off" he clearly has always had much intelligence as he's LOVED books since forever and would just poor over them like none of my other children have _ since before 18 months ( when the speech problems surfaced ) and continued to enjoy those detailed books like Richard Scary with lots of pictures He isn't reading yet BUT really part of that is on me as I've gone through moving us, another pg etc .. right around the time he showed reading readiness and I haven't been able to work with him as much as I'd like to have.
When playing educational games he answers well _ when he's not being lazy LOL. So I'm hoping he will become gently led into being a strong reader. He states he wants to learn more and more about computers, become a doctor of alternative medicines ( "...the kind that use herbs, like mommy.") He wants to marry a lady that has babies at home in the water and he is attracted to Chinese / oriental / asian ladies. I tell you all this to show you that he is a thinker and plans things out And we obviously have a bond!
It WAS very hard when he couldn't communicate. Many other people in our lives made rash comments and assumptions.

I felt guilty about the frustration that we both had. After one move he started going to an early intervention dd class as he'd been assessed in the previous town and qualified for the service we started late in the season around 21/2 and he got a few good months there before he was three in the Spring and cut off. He was offered speech therapy through ps and we did that for a while( 2 mo)but I saw such an improvement in space of a year 21/2 - 31/2 that I pulled him after asking the therapist not to use Halloween theme in her teaching with him and she did anyway!! I may have over reacted and I rethink this every so often but going into the ps was challenging my strong desire to see him and all my children HS ed so I cut ties with ps.

There were things that I didn't like .... one that really sticks out to me is repeated comments of how much "in tune" I was with my son _knew him well etc ... Some would take as a compliment but it disturbed me because these teachers / therapists said it in such a way as though that was very rare and they almost marveled over it. I didn't want to fall into allowing myself to get lazy and let others raise my boy. It would have been gradual through being overwhelmed with other areas of life and caring for the basic needs of the younger children coming along. I didn't want to look back and see years of our bond being challenged and interrupted by other influences.
Yes, He liked seeing other kids but he had a brother at home and close in age too so I personally felt the autonomy of our home was more important. Had I not seen a shift in him being able to naturally develop his speech I may have made different choices.

i did NOT enjoy sending my son on a bus to the board of dd too small for that, it was better on the days that we could take him in the car and then into the classroom and gently leave.

To wrap this up. I decide not to get involved with a lot of therapies and professional opinions etc... that is not to say that I never questioned my decision or wondered if he NEEDED outside help but I kept going back to my hearts desire and kept him home with me and struggled along with him. I must PTL for all his goodness in bringing us through most of that and helping me love my boy when things got frustrating. HTH

IMO I would wait it out some and see if he picks up even if slowly in these areas. If you don't over the next year then re asses.
Luke was often in his own world he often sought out quiet going behind a chair or into a corner to have less outside stimulation he's solace was in his books. We majored on the emotional basics for a long time and when he was ready he learned to write his name address phone number all the preschool things !!!! Our state excepts delayed K until 6 years old so this year is our first official year of HS I have his brother a five year old do most things along with him and it works out fine to just explain more in depth to Luke because he asks many more questions and has a more mature interest range and understanding for doing unit studies etc...

Somethings seem like they take forever to grasp and come to their understanding " when they are ready" I try very hard NOT to compare with others children/ families. We have very little peer pressure as we don't attend a fellowship of believers either and just have a few friends.

Hope my ramblings help in some way.

Hi Christie (cinda!)

Gosh, these decisions are so hard to make, arent't they? And the kids are so young! You wonder how much just waiting for maturity and loving them will do!

I can tell you that we have had a good experience with the ps. Our daughter received tutoring for 1/2 hour, 3 - 4 days a week and it was a lifesaver. It was a hassle getting her there and back, but it has really helped us learn to help her with her learning disabilities. Now that she is in "6th grade" we just consult with the LD teacher - we show her some of her work and discuss strategies to help her. It has overall been an overwhelmingly positive experience.

That being said, we each have to find our own path with all this. The reality of finding a bunch of different services for a child with a lot of needs is beyond the budget of many people. We certainly could not have afforded the one-on-one help we got for free. However, many people feel that is a snare for them to be involved with the public school.

I will pray for you to make the right decision. Keep foremost in your mind the discernment of what is right for THIS CHILD at THIS STAGE IN HIS DEVELOPMENT. You know your child better than anyone else. Trust your Lord and your gut and you can't go wrong.

Blessings,
Christine

www.HomeFieldAdvantage.org

CHRISTINE I TOTALLY AGREE ABOT IT BEING A HARD THING

I also wanted to clarify in my story ~ that the speech therapist was working one on one with him and only had to choose a few different tools yet she didn't This intensified my concerns and made me less trustful of being included in the therapy.

Also if my son continued to have severe problems I would have used any affordable or free service to help him.

I also noticed that in the new county we moved to they do NOT offer any services to HS kids this is really a shame as you mentioned Christine they could be instrumental in helping children ~ we still pay our taxes and I think we should have more options of help if need.

I Just think prayer and staying in tune with your dc are the best resources and first we should use and continue to put as priority. It is hard not to get overwhelmed.

It really does sound like Christie has a great relationship with the ps and knowledge of her options on top of a real love for her son. I think they will find help.

I was real sensitive to the failings of ps because I had very little support from others in my decision to HS I felt ps was almost a foe.

Thanks for your replies, ladies. My little guy (2 months) has had RSV so I am just now getting back to this discussion here, but I wanted to say thanks for sharing some of your experiences here. I'm still going back and forth so I know it's something I really need to pray about and continue to seek wisdom for....spoke with my son's neurologist this week...I asked her opinion about this preschool thing and she said she thinks he has concerned parents at home and that preschool would be optional in this case in her opinion since he has good language models at home. (a point for keeping him at home) I also spoke with a speech therapist today who said she thinks at this age that it's easiest for her to have one on one sessions with her kids who are having pronunciation difficulties, but she thinks her kids who aren't talking socially (like my son) get more out of group therapy. (a point for sending him to preschool)

That made me think it might be a good thing for my son to be able to be with this little group with this teacher who has experience working with children who are basically non-verbal. At home it's hard for my son to get a word in edge-wise with his very verbal older brother who can be overbearing and bossy. They have a great relationship, but our oldest son is just so verbal and talks almost non-stop. If he goes to this little class and starts talking, we might be able to discontinue the class. If he doesn't begin talking, then at least I'll know that I didn't turn down help.

Just the thought of dropping him off on the first day seems almost unbearable at this point!!!! Especially when I was originally thinking of homeschooling and not even having to do this when he's FIVE...THREE just seems so very young!!!

The speech therapist I spoke with today gave me some great ideas of things to ask about the preschool program that I hadn't thought of....things that will help me make sure this is something that's best for him. I did find out that I could pick him up early and that I could take him myself to a little play group thing they go to. So he would be there for about 3 hours and I could take him myself to the 1 hour playgroup. I still have to find out more details.

I feel so wishy washy about this. One day I'm completely convinced it's the best thing. One day I'm completely convinced it's not!

Hi mom,

Well, what did you decide? I am a terrible decision maker. When faced with a big one, I can change my mind by the hour. I ask the Lord for certainty. Sometimes he gives it, and sometimes he lets me walk blindly by faith.

Let us know how it's going.

Blessings,
Christine

www.HomeFieldAdvantage.org

Hi Christine!

My husband and I are still praying about this and discussing it with everyone we see...doctors, speech therapist, OT, other parents who've gone the PS preschool route in this area.

I heard a message by Charles Swindoll on the radio this week that was SUCH a HUGE encouragement to me. I heard it just as I was leaving speech therapy with my son after getting some pretty shocking (not good) news about his recent evaluation. God's timing was SO VERY amazing in this situation. I was in tears driving down the road and God spoke so very directly to my heart. Dr. Swindoll was not talking about children w/ special needs, but he was talking about expectations with our children and even his prayer at the beginning of the message was so powerful, it brought SUCH peace to my heart about this situation.

We're thinking that we're going to go forward with the PS preschool since it isn't everyday and is only a half day on the days that he goes. We probably won't even participate in all of it either, but I really want to see how him being there with the other kids for the classtime might help him verbally. I will be able to take him to school and pick him up and he won't have to ride any buses or anything like that. We are still checking to see more about the program, but this is where we stand now. Thanks so much for checking in and for your messages! One BIG thing I was reminded of the other day was to cast my cares on Jesus because he cares so much for us. I KNOW He loves my little boy and is protecting Him in ways I can't in all areas. I feel fairly certain that this is what we need to do, but I'm continuing to pray that God will guide us.

Thanks again!!

Hi Christie,
Have you found your way yet?
I pray for your peace and clarity in the new year.
Blessings,
Christine

Christine,
Thanks so much! I am up for an early feeding with my baby and sat down at the computer to proofread something for my husband this morning. Good to see your reply and I so appreciate your prayers.

I feel like such a yo yo when I read my last post...up, down and all over the map. Our big meeting for my son's IEP is at the end of next month, but right now we are leaning toward looking for a Christian preschool (2-3 days a week would be preferable but we saw one that's a half day program that we might consider though the cost is astronomical). I spoke again with the preschool teacher and I sensed that she was immediately making some snap judgments about my son based on some children she's worked with in the past. That was a red flag to me. I've continued to struggle with the idea of sending my LITTLE three year old off to school when I feel so strongly that these formative years are so important and precious. I've also learned of some parents who have had problems with the preschool program at this school. They've been vocal about it and have sought me out to tell me about their issues. I'm learning more about that now. We will definitely keep him in private speech therapy as this is his biggest delay and the thing that concerns us the MOST. His receptive language scores were SO low this time, which is a huge concern for us. One big obstacle is the green stuff needed for these extra costs. We have set up our medical spending account this year with out of pocket private speech therapy costs in mind. (though we know that specialist visits along with regular medical care for all three boys typically take up the MSA very quickly) Preschool on top of that is not in the budget. I'm praying that God will provide so that our son can be in a family friendly program where he is learning about Jesus as he develops in other areas since there is such a question about whether he needs services beyond our home. I want to find a program where he can be at home with us as much as possible. A two day a week program would be most ideal, I think! I'm checking costs and looking into a part-time tutoring position on Saturdays to help offset the cost of his preschool. Lots to think about there, too! Don't want to cut into family time when my husband is off on Saturdays, but it may be the best way.

Still praying for wisdom and guidance for every step of this and am setting aside time every Saturday morning to do research and reading about what is going on with my son and to just pray for God to show us what to do.

My husband and I have been having some thorough conversations about all this and praying together. I've heard so many stats lately about families who have children with special needs and the divorce rate. It's so nice to have places like this Lifeway community to come to with questions like this...where there are people who are praying with us as we make these decisions. We have both been pretty overwhelmed about it all and it's been nice to come here to share the burden a little so I can be able to verbalize my struggle with my husband later. He has seen me at my desk, in front of the keyboard with tears in my eyes as I'm sharing about our questions and really trying to figure out what to do.

Thanks so much!!!

For Christie,
Heavenly Father, I lift up our sister Christie to you in her time of decision making. Reassure her that she and her family are in your hands. Give her peace about the many things on her mind. Most of all, may this be a time that she and her husband draw so close to you and to each other that your will will be evident to them. We ask this in your Son's precious name.

Hi! I am new here and am dealing with this same issue. My husband and I have two children. Our daughter was born in April 2004 and learns very easily (she's almost 3 going on 13!). In October 2006 we traveled to China to adopt our son, also born in April 2004 (he is 2 weeks younger than his sister). Our son had bilateral cataracts removed at 1 year old, and his vision is very poor. Because of his vision issues, the orphanage staff kept him with the infants, assuming he could not do/learn anything like a regular child his age. He had good, affectionate care otherwise. We knew there would be some delays as a result of his life in an orphanage, but we were not prepared for the severity of those delays.

He was examined by his pediatrician soon after our arrival home, and she suggested getting him into the Early Intervention program as soon as possible. When we came home with him in November, he was at about a 2-4 month old level developmentally (with 2.5 year old strength and volume!).

We had several meetings and evaluations for our son's Early Intervention, and now have 4 different therapists coming to our home each week. He receives an hour each of OT, vision, speech/language and special (development/behavior/social) therapies. In the three months he has been home, he has made some good progress. He is now at about a 6-8 month old level developmentally. We will have his in home therapy through the infant program for a total of about 2.5 months - then he turns 3. We have already had a "Transition Meeting" with the Preschool program people and they are planning another evaluation.

Like Christie's experience, our infant program provided through the county, gets moved to the preschool program through the board of education as soon as a child turns 3. Through the infant program, we have individual therapy in our home and I am actively involved in his learning. In the preschool program, my son will be expected to leave his familiar home environment and participate in a group of other children with unfamiliar adults, and I may or may not be allowed to attend. They have a class teacher, speech therapist, and assistants, and will bring in a vision therapist for part of the class time.

Not only is our son not ready developmentally (on any level) for a group/class environment, we are also trying to build a strong attachment to us as his family (which this would not help), and I personally have never wanted to use any PS system programs. We have benefited from the infant program therapy - he is learning. But he has so far to go. Not only do I not think a PS environment is good for children in general, but I really don't think it will be good for my son.

I am not by nature an aggressive person, and figuring out how to advocate for my son in this is very intimidating. My husband thinks the class environment will be okay for him in several months (fall maybe), but even that concerns me. Any advice or encouragement on this topic will be greatly appreciated.

I just read your post .... one quick comment. Would using the church nursery during church and moms meetings just whenever kids are there .....as often as much as would be appropriate, meaning you staying with him and playing with him and the other young children. I know this would mean you would miss some of your church/ women's meetings time but maybe just to get his needs met it would be worth it.

Cinda,

"Would using the church nursery during church and moms meetings just whenever kids are there .....as often as much as would be appropriate, meaning you staying with him and playing with him and the other young children."

We arranged to be able to do just that during the message part of the service. Our son likes the music so we keep him in with us for the first part, and my husband or I would walk with him in the hall the rest of the time. He is too disruptive, and does not understand the need for quiet. Last week my husband took him into the nursery and did pretty well. He never strayed far from his daddy or play near other children, but he didn't cry incessantly at the new environment and all the new people either. We'll see how he does as the weeks wear on. We hope it will be a gentle adjustment to being in a group and participating with others.

Thank you for your suggestion. It helps to hear someone else suggest the same idea. I appreciate your input.

Glad, You found something you can do. It is always so frustrating when we don't find at least a few things we can do to help the ones we love.


I agree that when some one suggests to me something I'm already doing it is like a little shot of confirmation.

I'll keep you all in prayer.

I would think that time and patience is really what he needs the most. With HS you can afford him that.

imo a lot of programs that have helpful aspects to them still develop a hurried expectation ( in the parents and teachers} for "progress" in the child. If the child "feels that" he will react to that and often withdraw more into himself. I am not a professional but just observed this with children.
Most would bulk at a laid back attitude like "just give him lots of love." but that seems the first step and then when his emotions and fear instincts relax and allow a little natural maturing to take place then being a little more proactive in getting services for his specific disabilities would be more beneficial, than a possible risk of throwing him into frustration. Again just imo
take care, Jacinda

In reading about your " problem" I kinda see an answer to some of mine

I have been trying to HS formally my oldests' official first year and EVERYTHING imaginable has been going wrong and effecting my consistency with them. Thus I have two bored boys ...... I keep hopping from one problem to another and trying to fit individual time in with them but when I do really want to "work" with them and I'm ready to focus. They often aren't well the younger of the two especially. The oldest boy almost 7 goes to bed each night pouty and teary because he wanted more time to read with me or do something.
This brings a lot of guilt ....

But sometimes even in the guilt there is a surprise. Like the other day my 5.5yob was sooo funny I said "now wait a minute I'm only one person" he says "ONE" I say "yes, ONE not TWO" he say or THREE< FOUR< FIVE< SIX< SEVEN<EIGHT<NINE .....and I had just been lamenting to the LOrd that he even knew his numbers.

Don't give up I'm not planning to!

Hi mama2gems,
Welcome to the board! I hope you enjoy the fellowship here.
I can really relate to your predicament. One of my adopted kids is LD/ADHD, e-i-e-i-o, as I like so say. It was so overwhelming to learn the depth of what we were dealing with. Although she came at 5 months, she was very reserved and distant, even at that time. I focused on bonding with her too and have not regretted that.
Special needs are a tough thing to know how to handle. Do you feel like you could learn techniques and strategies to help your child at home? Would some of the therapy providers be willing to teach you what to do with him at home?
Another option is to find someone who WILL empower you to give the therapy needed at home on your schedule.
A third option is to go ahead and do preschool. It's only a few hours a day, leaving lots of family time.
Which feels the best to you? You're the expert on your child. How are you tending?
Please let me know if you'd like to talk more.
Blessings,
Christine

www.HomeFieldAdvantage.org

My two sons also have developmental delays. My oldest is 4 and attends a developmental preschool in the school district. I love it and he's improved greatly though he still has a long way to go. I really don't think he'll be ready for kindergarten next year but I've decided to go ahead and let him be in public K just so he can get that extra attention from the speech and occupational therapists. I'm then planning to home school him and start him with a kindergarten curriculum once again. His teachers and therapists seem to be able to connect with him on a better level than I could and it's made life so much easier for both of us. My other son will be starting at the preschool in the fall and I know he'll do well. I've really put a lot of thought and prayer into it. I'm eager to home school but I want what is best for him at this moment. He really thrives with individual attention that I just cannot give him with my other two being with me. I would suggest to anyone considering a public PS to just go and talk to the teachers and inquire about curriculum. And most importantly...PRAY! I look forward to the day that my two sons catch up developmentally as I'm told they eventually will. Until then I'm praying for patience!

Hi InspiredHome,
Welcome to the board!
We too have an awesome developmental preschool in our area. Some of the other ladies on the board have really struggled with this decision so I hope you can connect with them and give them some perspecive.
Stop back often!
Christine

Hi ladies! I just realized I hadn't popped back in here in a long time. After my son's third birthday, our crazy schedule started. I have been taking him to two hours of speech at the local preschool. The SLP allows us to stay during speech. My older son plays a computer game and I've been working with our schedule to make sure I nurse my younger son before we go in. Our son who is having speech isn't distracted by us being there so it's worked out well. We've also been able to continue private speech and were even able to increase it to twice a week! BIG provision from God. I found out that our co-pay for speech is under $9 per session!!!! We had much more than that budgeted for our health spending account so that worked out so much better than I could have imagined. On top of this, our son participated in a play group through the local school that didn't really seem to be any great thing. He also was able to start a preschool once a week. I wasn't comfortable with the local preschool after a bad IEP experience, but God completely provided a spot for my son at a church preschool that was one day a week...just like the IEP team recommended for my son. It was FREE! The director would not let us pay. Not only that, but this awesome school (which has a true inclusion program) continues through the summer and is providing FREE speech this summer!!!!!!! This ministry is truly meeting needs for some families in this area. It's a half day program and really works so well for moms who are wanting to stay home as much as possible. We love it. It's a longer drive for us, but it's all WELL worth it to know that my children are in a place and with people I trust. I'm sure there are GREAT public school programs out there. (I was a PS teacher before my boys were born and I absolutely LOVED teaching.) ....but we just had a bad experience with my son's IEP team. It was a tough time leading up to that decision, but it's been great. My son has ONE HUNDRED new words in his vocab since I posted last!!!!!!!!!!! He had only 20 words when he was three. We still have concerns and there are still delays, but we have seen such progress and that makes the craziness of the schedule over the last several months worth it. We're looking forward to a more relaxed summer schedule. I'm hoping for some helpful ideas for the summer from the therapists from school. I'm planning to use Slow and Steady Get Me Ready by June Oberlander. I'll have to modify the age to fit where our son is developmentally, but I think this will be a good thing to use in the summer. Like someone else said, I need to pray for PATIENCE!!!! I SO want to see his development gaps be filled. I SO want to have a thorough conversation with him where I can know what he's thinking. I still struggle with wanting to know if this is or isn't going to be a permanent thing, but I'm SOOOOOOO grateful for every baby step!!! God is reminding me that He is taking care of our little guy and will continue to do so. Thanks so much for the prayer and support!!!!