I want to bring this question to the top of the list again. What's your special need you are dealing with?
Blessings,
Christine

As you've noticed I have been getting more time with other ladies and their kids.

I have had constructive criticisms about the problems we have with Timmy's hyper-ness. Thankfully just out of concern and given in care. I was a bit afraid that my one friend was gonna say we couldn't get the kids together any more because I noticed the last few times she was frustrated during our play dates.

Instead we had a conversation that went more like this.

" Have you decided what plan of action to take with Tim's situation?" " Here are some ideas I thought might be worth thinking about " A,B,C,

" I know I wouldn't be able to even imagine dealing with it everyday etc... you are doing a good job but I see you being overwhelmed and run by Timmy's behavior, that must be frustrating and I'm sure you'd like to change that."

" I don't see you being the kind to want to even look into drugs like ritalin but in my opinion if Tim was in PS they would either seriously expect you to put him on something or have him in a special class or insist that you HS 'd him. I can't see them letting him stay in a classroom setting doing the things he does. I've NEVER seen a child with SO much energy. "
" He seemed almost manic at the birthday party - so excited that he couldn't contain it all - he brought the normal excitement level of small children to almost an ecstatic level that we adults had to ( all three of us had to constantly keep in check the whole two hours) he confused our directions to the other 8 kids almost every time we tried to lead them into something. " ( I know he was literally whirling around the room an hour before anyone else arrived)

Others comments have been " Have you ever given him coffee to see if it would create an opposite effect in his system. " " Chamomile tea, malitonin tea ? " Have you used time outs? " " Have you considered devoting months of retraining for Timmy like have your other kids cared for by some one else and just work with Timmy for extended periods of time like when enforcing a time out or discipline freeing yourself enough to sit it out with him even if it takes an hour at a time? " ( she knows how stubborn he is ) " Have you tried the one two three strike your out method?"

" How does dad handle these problems. Does he take part in helping Timmy?"

I am realizing that one of the biggest draws on me emotionally a physically is Timmy or what Timmy's behavior has produced in our family as a whole. That says a lot considering I have a two yo and a baby that take a lot of care. So dealing with Timmy's needs has to be the first area of change.

thanks for listening

Jacinda,
You've been on my heart and mind lately. This morning as I was reading your post, I couldn't help but think how much your Timmy sounds like my son. He is my oldest of four, and I am convinced to this day that there has never been another child with so much energy as he had (but it sounds like your Timmy may come close ) I went back and read your intro, then clicked on the link and read some of your blog. Some of what I read on there made my head spin, with all that you had planned to do for school this year, plus dealing with a new baby. I love the photos! Your children look so happy, and very much loved! You have to know you are doing a lot of things right to have such happy, loved, and loving children. I know you are dealing with a lot of overwhelming things, but please do not be discouraged. Just take it a day at a time, and know that you are not alone.

I'm wondering what your daily routine is like now. I think that was one of the key things for me when my kids were little, and I wish I had focused more on that than what I did. Until we had our fourth child (when our oldest was 6) I didn't know that kids could have routines! We just floundered thru the day, dealing with whatever came up. When I started learning about routines, and little by little implementing one, things got better. So I just wondered what your days are like, if you have a routine, or if you just take things as they come.

One thing I would caution you about. You said "dealing with Timmy's needs has to be the first area of change" and I understand where you're coming from. But be careful not to exhaust yourself trying to "fix" him all at once. First of all, he is not broken. He is uniquely created by God to be exactly the person that he is. But he also sounds like a very challenging child, one who could very well monopolize all of your time and energy, and you don't want that to happen. You have four children who need you. You also have a husband. And you need time for yourself (yes, you matter, too). So please do not let your drive to help Timmy take over your entire life. It really wouldn't be best for him anyway. I would encourage you to work out a routine (very basic and simple) and stick to that. Focus on loving your kids and teaching them Godly character, and get to the academics as time allows. But also be sure to have time for you, and time for your husband, so you can recharge your batteries before you get totally run down. I will be praying for you!

Thanks for your sincere reply Lori.

I will tell you about a general day from the most recent times as we've made strides in many areas from even a month ago.
ON BETTER DAYS
Been waking earlier around 7:30 - 8:30
( the fact that Michalina and Sophia and I get up and get going has encouraged the others to do so too.)
I will often make enough eggs and oatmeal for the whole family after I change diapers and give drinks to the girls. So when the boys wake I don't have to make another breakfast as Lina likes to eat upon waking and every time anyone else eats LOL
After eating the boys get a combination of free play and getting dressed / washing up. I usually hop into the shower with Lina and we get dressed together. Then it is time to nurse Sophia as she usually nurses right before I get up.

I then have been taking Lina over to the neighbors around 10 - 10:30 I often stay for an hour to play with Lina in a more quite atmosphere and chat with the babysitter who is now my friend, this does help charge my batteries most days. Then I run home nurse Sophia again and check that the boys are ready for the day and Dad is getting up and around. Then I make sure Dh's breakfast is ready and start what ever is gonna be lunch for all of us I send a portion with Mike for his meal at work.
Then I run around doing pick up and laundry started ( the first load of the day I usually do 3 a day) By this time hopefully Mike is reading to the boys or starting them on an educational game.
We get library returns together so dad can drop them off on the way to work. Also any mail that has to go out he will drop to the post office.
Somedays he will do that running as well as picking up a few groceries or diapers ( taking the boys with him then returns in time to finish getting ready for work.

Lunch is eaten and then I get the boys engaged in something like another educational game or movie and try to have a quite time for Sophia Lina and myself. by 4 I'm trying to do a few chores like laundry again or dishes and fit in a story time / some phonics. We usually eat dinner around 5:30.
by 6:30 We have more reading and try to do one activity like a few workbook pages if we didn't fit it in earlier. We do a pick up time and bedtime routine and then to sleep.
The baby nurses at least 8 times through out the day and so this has reduced my big plans to a lot of reading out loud and verbal question games like we are relearning all the basics and address full names etc... by verbal review.

I use the resources we have to at least read from and quiz from. A lot of the preschool K workbooks I use by telling them to point or verbally tell me the answers.

I'm trying really hard to transition to getting pencils, scissors and glue in their hands again on those three days Lina is away in the morning I plan to DO more real work with the boys.

A lot is built upon like we have had an interest in prairie life and the move out west, bugs, weather, the artic, the ocean, sealife, etc... we just take time to read or internet explore these things the last few years so some day I plan to actually have unit studies where they will write things on these subjects and DO projects surrounding those interests.

Recently I started reading mysteries like Cam Janson and the third grade detectives series as well as a Hardy boys book! They really like them.

We also are baking more together and Tim and Lina like to help make the eggs for breakfast.
My work in insisting Luke learn to fold at least simple things like towels seems to have paid off. They also have been taking dirty clothes to the laundry room more often. Tim has been wanting to help set the table for us at meal time! Lina really helps take care of baby but she sometimes over does it. She's getting insistent on changing diapers too often and trying to "feed" baby the wrong things LOL She even nurses her baby dolls.
So at any rate they are catching onto life skills.

I just keep a loose log of what we've done each month.

My dh and I actually sat and watched a movie together alone the other evening " It's a Wonderful Life " I hope to do that with him more often.We are making plans for my birthday in January to go out if not before.
He also surprised me and said he's been learning how to use our Quicken software for keeping track of finances. We've been needing to do this for a long time! I usually fumble around with the checkbook and credit card balancing act alone.

I also signed up for a little craft hour at our library I sure hope to make it. I'm invited to a pampered chef party this week but don't have a sitter yet as it is our sitter that invited me. This is very new to me I haven't done those little refreshers for a long time.

SO that is our progress.

I still have a lot of days that get sidetracked or just little things that get pushed aside as example my dh has repeatedly aske dme to get these boys to learn how to tie their shose. So finally the other day I go to work with Luke on it. He places his shoe on his lap and we find out Timmy had borrowed them to run out side and stepped in our neighbors dog poop! So I had to help Luke change pants. And scrub the sole of the show for about 10 min until I could get the yucky stuff out of the grooves! So needless to say we never got to do a teaching session!

In conclusion I think my concern for Timmy is founded but I really need to balance others opinions and my knowledge of my own family and son. I do agree that pushing everyone else aside is not realistic or healthy. My friend that suggested that unfortunately is not a christian and she was speaking out of more of a secular v
view of as you put it Lori " fixing people."

My dh said he really doesn't see the value in telling the kids they can't play together either because that isn't teaching them to except one anothers' faults and learn to help each other mature.
I think just continuing on this path and not getting sidetracked and keeping up the positive progress will show me what do next.

Thank you so much for the prayers and help!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: cindahomaker,

Help! We are having an exceptionally tough time with our third-grade son, who was previously diagnosed with ADHD and is now said to be Asperger's (what we thought he was all along). To make a long story short--he is very smart, but has focus and memory problems that interfere with learning, and he acts out by becoming violent and, most recently, by turning on himself with suicide threats. I don't want him in public school but, at the same time, this is too much for one person to handle! It's really tough to find help--seems like all the conventional sources point us to PS, even our church in Wheaton, IL. Our pastor homeschools, but even he doesn't approve of our doing this because of the family dysfunction and the level of upset that happens when Joe gets violent. But, I have a younger child who has full-blown autism and he does go to PS, so it's hard to garner support in the homeschool community, either.

Joe's problems are completely out of hand, and I don't know of any source of help in the western Chicago suburbs that would support my decisions. Most people can't understand why I would homeschool a child who refuses to work and physically attacks me. He recently made a scene in church, and now they've moved him to the disability class until he can learn self-control, and they're telling me he can't function in a Sunday school classroom because he's homeschooled and hasn't learned classroom behavior. We're becoming more and more isolated as his problems increase, and I don't know what to do. Meds made him worse.

Any help you can give would be welcome.

Hi Jennifer,
I am so pleased to meet you! I, too, live in Wheaton. You are dealing with lots of stuff, aren't you? What kind of support do you have for the kids? You said one was in school, but what about the other? Do you have a counselor or anyone else you meet with?
I know a couple of moms who homeschool their Aspie children. Maybe I can introduce you to them! At the very least, I hope I can refer you to some information or support.
Please feel free to contact me privately if you'd like. Look forward to connecting with you!
Blessings,
Christine