Hi, I am a mother of three great sons! Of these three boys, my oldest son is the largest challenge that I face every day. Let me share a day in my life with my oldeast son.

We awake in the morning, refreshed and anew. Breakfast is served. Smiles are shared. My oldest will be 10 in May and feels his age. Then it begins. "Off to your rooms to make your beds and get ready for school!" The fight ensues. He drags his feet. Sits on his bed and just refuses to do what I have asked him to do. With gentle persuasion, I get him motivated to clean his room and get dressed. Now it is time for school.

He comes in dragging his feet. Growling under his breath just enough to be heard. He takes his seat. "Do you have your notebooks and pencils ready for Class?" With a snort, "NO! Why do we have to do this every morning! I hate it!" I often will remind him of what he wants to do with his life, explain that our goals are worth working for and ask that he get ready.

So, he will get his pencil and books and sit down. He slides into this seat. Out comes grammer. The first part of our lesson is copy work. Normally two definitions. It will take him over two hours of insisting that he completes his work. Then off to the lesson. this will take an additional hour to complete. Once the lesson is completed, he will spend a minimum of two to three hours completing his homework for this one subject.

By this time, I want to scream! We have other subjects to cover. Yet, I can not just say ok, we will not do grammar today. I can not give him less work! Trust me, what I ask him to do is very little! He treats his other subjects much the same. He is a struggling reader, for which two years of phonics has not opened the door for him.

I am tired! I have two other children to teach. I have garden to tend, puppet ministry to run, and I lead the local Co-op in my community.

How, do I motivate him? How can I increase this ability to work in a timely fashion? We have tried cook timers, stop watches, breaking assignments into blocks for shorter lessons, etc.

ONe VERY TIRED MOMMY!

Hey Kate, I have 3 boys too. My oldest is also ten (just in Feb.), and he also shows/showed lots of the exact same behaviors!! I'm really starting to see this as more of a growth stage/phase that many kids go thru, because i could name like 4 or 5 other Moms who say the same stuff. It has really surprised me. BUT, there is light in the tunnel! What I did, (and trust me, some days are better than others, some are just still horrible and a waste...but some are great) what I did, is the one or two subjects he hated most (math and Lang. arts), I let him get behind. If he seemed to be ready to fight over math, I said "Ok, we'll do that later " and either we did because his attitude improved, or it didn't and we didn't. Yes, we're behind in math and will be doing it in July to finish, BUT he knows this and realizes some of the responsibility in this is his. I was trying to drill multiplication facts, addition facts, subtraction facts, division facts etc. like the book said with flash cards and everytime he saw them he'd burst into tears and he'd waste 30 min to an hour crying and screaming. SO, there is more than one way to skin a cat, right? I just stopped. I would throw smaller drill sheets at him more often and NO flash cards. I guess what I'm saying is, that I think at that age, they are pre-teens and want more control in their life. It's not gonna kill us or total destroy discipline to let them have it sometimes. Just make sure the consequences are clear, "If we don't get this done, we'll be in school in July." or at 6 pm tonite, or whatever. I don't mean tell them everytime either and hold it over them, that's not nice. Just make sure if he won't cooperate for a LONG time, you know, make sure he's aware. BUt, anyway, once I stopped trying to control every single everything, we both lightened up. Don't forget, this is YOUR education of YOUR child and you can do it your way. I've had hs friends remind me, that it's ok to not be where you thought you would. Seems simple, but it lit my lightbulb!! Also, I'd be careful that I'm not dictating time limits on him because I'M overschedualed. It's hard to balance it all, but sometimes something has to drop and/or be delegated to someone else. We've just been through a rather rough spell for that very reason, I had more on my plate than I could handle, so picked something and dropped it. Not easy. Just necessary. At least now, I can breathe. Just my thoughts, hope they help a little, at least you know you're not alone!!!
Julie

Kate, I forgot, I also make of list of all his independant work in the morning before he gets up, so the start time is up to him. Therefore, if he chooses to sleep in and start late, or read or play for a while first and start late, it's his responsibility. He actually works alot quicker and starts ALOT earlier than he did when I was making him do it all on my schedual. I don't work with him until he's totally done with independant work. This includes all the math he can do alone. He actually comes and gets me for the one or two sections he needs help with and then moves on. Much easier, less drama. I am doing pre-school with the two youngers (one is pdd) so they get all their attention while he's doing independant reading, worksheets etc. Then we go back and talk out stuff, discuss readings, do read alouds, dictation etc.
Just a thought.
Julie