My daughter is 9 1/2 and she reached puberty very early - like last year. Her period is kinda funny, coming early, etc. and I'm concerned. Next month she will be going to a youth group (4th and 5th graders) and the youth pastor will be leading it. I know him fairly well and he's awesome. I will be hopefully talking to him at the end of the week and I really think I should let him be aware of the fact she gets this...

How do you tell a man-leader? I know, this guy I consider my friend honestly and I think he'll take it okay. I'm not good at this. Well it's my first time having to. If she were 13 or so I wouldn't think of telling a leader but with her age..and having Asperger's, sometimes she gets a little bit irresponsible about it. I know I need to let her learn a bit, let her have an embarrassing moment if possible?

I will let him know that if she has it, or may be soon, and has an "accident" (stained pants), then we'll be in the area with an extra pair of pants, underwear just in case. I mean I won't tell him every time she gets it if there's no reason to. But just so he's aware of this.

Any ideas? I'm welcome to anything! Thanks!

Hey Chris,
An idea...does he have a wife or is there a female in the group who is an adult? Surely he isn't taking girls off by himself...this might solve the whole issue...and save you and your child some embarassment...or can you be there yourself? Just some ideas...I wouldn't let her "learn a bit" at her young age, but continue to protect her...she will learn to take care of herself when you can't be there...without such humiliation. REMEMBER HOW WE ALL FELT? And she's so young...
all the best
from above
cheryl

Yeah I remember how I felt.. unfortunately I don't think this pastor's wife will be a part of it. She's pregnant and due in October. The youth group starts October 2nd and Rabbit should have her period again by then (she got it on Sunday). I may just ask about the other leaders. I have felt the Spirit telling me I should give him a heads up for some strange reason. I know he won't "take care" of her if any mistakes.

Rabbit wants to be independent of me. When we went down the shore and she had it, she gave me a hard time when I had her come with me to the bathroom (I knew hers was heavy - I had mine too at the time!) and wanted to help her and in case of uh, leaking? She gives me such a hard time when I step in to remind her stuff that I'm like, okay do what you want and learn it your way. It's a hard line to draw about letting them learn and stepping in to help at times.

Sorry this is so long!

Chris
Not to be combative, but the idea I think I am trying to convey is that if your daughter is Asburgers Syndrome... even if you let her try to get it on her own, will she? I mean, the spectrum of the disorder is so broad...of course you know best, but I would HUNT a woman who can help her...I certainly don't know the relationship with the youth pastor that you have...but your daughter has enough to deal with in terms of her social with the other kids...she needs someone...A LADY to help in in times like this...DOES she need to stay home if this is the issue and can't be handled discretely? Just again, thinking aloud...
blessings
cheryl

Cheryl,

I'm not offended and ITU where you're coming from. Rabbit has been in public with this and has done fine, so far. She did skip a couple of seasons after she first got it a few times. But then got it again in June. I've only seen any major "accidents" at home so far, but I think it's inevitable it could happen in public. As far as when she's expecting it, sure I'll have her wear a pad just in case, and ask her nicely if she's "okay" before she goes to youth group or anything else.

I will ask if there will be any woman leaders in case of an accident. But the pastor is a friend of mine and I think his knowing if there's an accident won't like really surprise him. And knowing we're friends, he may wonder why I didn't say anything to him about this, kwim? Especially since she has Asperger's.

I need to pray about this some more. But ITA about her needing another grownup, a woman, she can lean on or even a teenager for times like this. I don't expect this guy to "take care" of her if she has an accident, really.

Peace?

BTW, you don't have to agree with me for telling this guy. But could someone help me with my question?

Well, I haven't had to deal with this personally since my girls didn't start until they were older, so it was assumed that all the girls had their periods by then (one was 11, I think, the others around 14). But I "think", since he is your friend, I would just tell him you wanted to make him aware that your daughter has reached puberty very early, and you thought he should know that in case any issues came up as a result. I don't think you'd need to be particularly specific about it, just let him know that much and he should know what you're talking about. Then, as you said, be sure she wears a pad and takes extras with her. Is this an overnight thing, or all day event, or just a few hours? The longer she'll be away from you, the more she'd likely need a female "helper" to be on call just in case. If it's only a few hours, I'd probably just make him, or a female leader, aware of her situation and leave it at that. Especially if your daughter likes to be independent about these things (one of mine does) she might not appreciate it if you "told" and she found out about it. Have you asked her about it? Who she'd want to have help her, or how she feels about it? I think I'd be sensitive to that, too, and try to follow her lead as much as you can, send her off prepared "just in case", and then not stress over it too much. Worst case -- she has an accident, they call you for help, and you handle it. One of my dd's started her period (for the first time) when she was away at summer camp. She handled it, and it was really no big deal. Of course, she was older and doesn't have Asperger's, but if I'd thought about that happening I would have been worried, and yet she just took it in stride.

Thank you, Lori!

I did talk to Rabbit just a little bit ago about this and the youth group. I asked if she'd mind if I told this pastor and she said definitely yes. She reasoned that "since he's married" he should be pretty safe. lol It did lead to a conversation about safety and "being touched" - in other words, worse case scenario, someone taking advantage of her. (not my friend - but more like in general - of course anything could happen and you take a chance sometimes) I thought it was funny her reasoning.

This is probably more embarrassing for me than it is for her! He's a friend, and knows the craziest things about me that others don't know (besides my dh of course). So you'd think I'd do better. But I am praying.

She had an accident this morning, stained her undies, so that led to my asking. We decided that she'll take a pair of sweats and underwear in case. The youth group is a few hours, but there will be 2 overnight trips this coming year, plus other activities.

Chris
Sounds like you are handling it pretty good then...really all you can do is prepare her as best you can. Kids have their own minds about such...my daughter, now 13 had hers early and b/c she doesn't have the same dx as your dear Rabbit, I wouldn't surely be able to advise you, except that I was thinking that you might find a lady who could help...Lori has given you an idea since you feel the youth dir needs to know...But I think it's unusual for a youth dir to take kids off, especially female kids without women involved...I probably have this wrong...so the idea of letting your precious girl in on WHO she would like to help her is a great idea. We definitely have our difficulties with dealing in parenting for sure...so glad you have a plan. What age does your youth group begin? Didn't you say she is nine and 1/2? Just wondering if there is a new trend with youth groups...
blessings
cheryl
AND sorry if you felt attacked, it wasn't my intention...

Cheryl,

I confess I felt a little attacked but I forgive you and know your true intentions here. Thanks.

This is a younger youth group they just started at my church called Sprouts. At 4th and 5th grade, they call 'em Sprouts but now they're adding it as a youth group during the school year. I don't know if it's a trend or not. I currently attend a Methodist church, though I consider myself a born again believer, kwim?

Rabbit was so funny when I asked her. She said she wanted him to know and said "he's married, so I know he won't hurt me." Of course that led to another discussion on safety, etc.