Hello all!
Here's a good question: what consequences do you use with your kids?
For example, if they don't do their schoolwork, what happens?
If their chores aren't done, what do you do?
Let's get some new ideas in our aresnal before school starts back up!
Blessings,
Christine

We school Monday through Thursday. Friday is fun day unless the work didn't get done. Then Friday is makeup day and the fun is missed
sloppiness= work redone
Forgetfulness =removal of privleges
sibling squabbles = sibling servants (they have to serve each other or get duct taped together to complete a task...sometimes I think they argu just so I'll tape them together!)
Willful disobedience = spanking

Things like hatefulness, bitterness, anger... We breakout the Bible and look up verses. Sometimes I'll say, "Give me number 5." and they know to quote the entire fifth commandment, explain what they did wrong, ask forgiveness. This works great in pointing out that it's God's rules they are breaking, I'm only enforcing them.

Baby needs me gotta go!

Here's another one:
My 8s dawdled all day and didn't finish his school work so when supper time arrived, we all sat around the table eating and chatting about the day and 8s was sitting there, finishing up his math. He wasn't allowed to eat until he was all finished and correct but he had to sit there with us. Believe me, he finished those last two pages quickly and accurately! Then, he enjoyed supper with the rest of us!

Hi Quiver,
What great ideas! I loved the duct tape idea! I used to make my younger ones serve time out while holding hands - much the same concept.
Anyone else have other ideas?
Blessings,
Christine

Today, 5s threw a fit within earshot of our precious, WWII era neighbors. They are wonderful folks that have sort of "adopted" us. Anyway, when my other children informed me, (no, they actually weren't tattling...) I took 5d over and made her apologize for her behavior. Mrs. B hugged on 5d and said she thought maybe she was having a bad day and thanked her for apologizing.
I think d will be more aware of her behavior now. Thank the Lord for Godly neighbors!

It's so hard to let our kids live with their consequences without rescuing them! I'm really struggling with letting my teens suffer some consequences. They are not big things - they are small things like library fines. My "fix it" nature wants to scoop up all the books and pay the overdue fines, but I realize they have to suffer some discomfort for their forgetfulness or they will never learn!
Does anyone else struggle with this?
Christine

This is an article I came across when researching some attachment parenting ideas.
What do you think? I know the Bible tells us about adding punishment to our parenting tools and we do believe His word is true so we don't spare the rod but we ( my dh and I) don't use it ALL the time either.
http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading/consequences.html

My ds #2 in particular can be hard to respond well to my attempts at disciplining him and sometimes I explain to him "I'm sorry! I've had it! you are just gonna have to suffer the natural consequences to your disobedience. Meaning I let the natural consequence give the reminder that what he was doing isn't a good idea ie; jumping around in the house = gets hurt on a piece of furniture.
BTW This may be an odd thing to say especially coming from a pretty fundamental christian but I am learning about another side of/ another type of some feminist and there is a whole group out there that really share a very natural way of parenting that frankly many of us christians are missing/ struggling with.

I am afraid to agree with some of this article just because it is written by "feminist" minded writers ~ but part of me agrees with parts of the concepts!

Jacinda

This message has been edited. Last edited by: cindahomaker,

Hi Jacinda,
Welcome to the board! I hope you visit here often and share.
I'll have to study that article some more. I know that I have focused more and prayed harder about my children's hearts more than anything in recent years. It's less and less about rules and more about relationship at our house.
Let's talk some more!
Blessings,
Christine

I finally read the article. I will get around to posting a response when I can better articulate my thoughts. KWIM???

that being said, Welcome to the board, Jacinda! Your #2 sure sounds familiar... "My verse" that I run to is Galatians 6:9
"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

Don't lose heart! Remember our Heavenly Father will make our path straight when we trust in HiIM and lean on HIM. HE gives us strength!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: quiverofeight,

Here's what I wrote. I apologize for it's length but I sometimes have trouble writing succently.
++++++++++++++
I have just read the article entitled, “The Consequences of Consequences” by Teresa Pitman. Ms. Pitman is a recognized author and public speaker. She is very knowledgeable in her area of expertise and is a leader in the La Leche League of Canada. However, I must disagree with the basic premise of her article.

Teresa Pitman is a mother much like me. She is fiercely in love with and protective of her children, she is extremely nurturing and leans toward Attachment Parenting, and she has very strong opinions and isn’t afraid to voice them. After reading a few of her articles, I finally realized what troubled me about this Teresa Pitman. She lives life from a secular worldview while I have a strong Biblical worldview.

Ms Pitman is wrong in her assumption that children are inherently good. What does God’s Word say about discipline and the heart of a child?
“15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;
The rod of correction will drive it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15

“All have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God. Acts 16:31

Even a child is known by his deeds,
Whether what he does is pure and right. Proverbs 20:11

As it is written:
“ There is none righteous, no, not one;” Romans 3:1

Ms Pitman fails to recognize that God has instituted families with a chain of command to protect children from both “Natural Consequences” and “Contrived Consequences,”(her words). Both of which are a result of poor judgment and bad behavior. She likes to compare unlike quantities; a child in foster care and a crying baby in an intact family, a child’s tardiness and a mother’s late arrival, children at a fun camp and children at home. These are very different scenarios. Children are not Little Adults and shouldn’t be treated as such. Her examples of failed consequences in foster families were under extreme conditions where a family had been torn apart. Our God looks on the heart and has compassion, aren’t we Christians to do the same?

Ms Pitman doesn’t like the idea of consequence-induced compliance but that is how adult society functions. Our laws are based on Biblical standards that impose consequences on non-compliant people. To refuse to teach our children obedience for fear of seeming harsh is cruel to the child and society.

I do agree with her to a point. We shouldn’t make haphazard, illogical consequences to force the children “tow the line.” We shouldn’t impose overly harsh punishment to a child incapable of compliance. We shouldn’t give so many rules that it immobilizes a child out of fear. We shouldn’t jam negativity down their throats. After all, they are children not prisoners in a cellblock. We need to be creative in our discipline but we do need to instill boundaries and enforce them. Our rules should be prayerfully thought out with the ultimate goal ever in sight: to raise a Godly generation with love and compassion.

“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4

A wise son heeds his father’s instruction,
But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke. Proverbs 13:1

Chasten your son while there is hope,
And do not set your heart on his destruction. Proverbs 19:18

Sometimes harshness is necessary.

Do not withhold correction from a child,
For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die.
14 You shall beat him with a rod,
And deliver his soul from hell. Proverbs 23:13-14

Ms Pitman related how her grown daughter was able to control a group of campers by her actions alone with no spoken rules or consequences. But her daughter’s very actions were giving those children boundaries. She failed to mention what happened if a child consistently overstepped those lines and caused disruption. What were those campers’ consequences? Did they lose privileges? Were they sent home? If they were allowed to continuously disobey, I doubt anyone there had a great time.

I like to be optimistic and while training my children, I point out the Blessings in obedience. I do tell my children they have a choice, as I do, to be obedient and follow God’s commands:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Ephesians 6:1

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Colossians 3:20

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you. Exodus 20:12

In obedience we receive the Blessings of God: a pleased God, a happy mama, more freedom, extra responsibility. Or in disobedience we must carry the consequences: we hurt God, we hurt mama, we hurt ourselves, less freedom, responsibilities taken away… And Proverbs is full of consequences to parents when we fail to discipline effectively.

Ms Pitman says consequences only focus on behavior. Here again she leaves out God. Only HE can change hearts but consequences can point them in the right direction.

We Christians can take some good away from this article; Respect your children, be creative in your discipline, their behavior may be a product of difficult circumstances or our over-reaching discipline, show compassion. But to totally throw out consequences is throwing out the baby with the bathwater.

Consequences are a part of life and sometimes they need to be harsh. When coupled love, compassion, much prayer, and with scripture, Consequences are a very effective tool in a Christian parent’s repertoire. If we don’t teach our children how to make good decisions while they are young, they will have to “pay the consequences” to God Himself when they grow up and that is guaranteed to be unpleasant. Just ask Jonah.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: quiverofeight,

Quiver,
Woman, you need to be writing for magazines!
Seriously, have you ever done writing?
Blessings,
Christine

I felt the same way when reading her posts for the first time. Particularly the reply to me about the articles that were not biblically based methods of raising children. She wrote with such tact that I felt that if the writer of the articles would read q of 8's thoughts there would be no offense taken even though they would not be in agreement with each other! Theresa would have to stop and think on Q of 8's points just out of pure respect for some one that didn't condemn her article but showed kindness in examining these differences with purity.
I think a lot of my " christian training " has been to almost 'attack' all thoughts of the persons that are godless, rather than use their ideas for a catalyst for developing my biblical knowledge and faith in action. I now like to see where we agree as well as differ in our thinking. I find life more refreshing because of this new approach I've been taking. And I also see now where I can believe wholeheartedly in biblical separation and still learn from the unbelieving world some things of value.
I was nervous to share those articles as my first posts here because I didn't want anyone to think badly of me for agreeing in part with a non christian writer. Because of Q of 8's tact I do not feel that I have ruined my reputation before even gaining a godly one here on the forums ~ by introducing such articles. I had those articles on my mind but didn't have the time to sit and mesh out all my thoughts. Q of 8 say's it so well I do not have to write my own article lol. I totally agree with Q of 8.

I think what most struck me about Theresa was she's a feminist believes in evolution / leaves God out but as Q of 8 puts it she fiercely loves her children. I have always been given the impression that feminists are of a certain type mostly selfish and arrogant and Theresa and some other women that I've recently met via internet totally dispel the face of stereotypical feminism. In my experience I have met more christian mom's that have a cold attitude towards their children often putting career or ministry obligations before the most basic needs of their children and certainly the deeper needs that are often not recognized unless we are very in tune with them and spend a lot of time with them.

I still think of the concept of overwhelming children with too many rules often times happens in christian circles/ this often fuels rebellion
the very thing we say we are trying to curb!
I think blaming and bribing and expecting the children to misbehave are negatives in our parenting experiences. I have been guilty of all.

quote:

Originally posted by quiverofeight:
Here's another one:
My 8s dawdled all day and didn't finish his school work so when supper time arrived, we all sat around the table eating and chatting about the day and 8s was sitting there, finishing up his math. He wasn't allowed to eat until he was all finished and correct but he had to sit there with us. Believe me, he finished those last two pages quickly and accurately! Then, he enjoyed supper with the rest of us!

This is a very creative consequence based way of disciplining the children to complete what they have started, When it is time for a new activity they will be more apt to be ready to enjoy it rather than be left behind doing something that has lost their interest but all the same needs to be completed. And you did not have to be mean or bully to get the response you desired either!

Great tip.

quote:

Originally posted by christinefield:
Quiver,
Woman, you need to be writing for magazines!
Seriously, have you ever done writing?
Blessings,
Christine

ROFLOL!!!!!
If you only knew how late I stayed up sweating over this response, worried I would offend or come across as a pious old snoot! No I don't write, except for the occaisonal Letter to the Editor. I don't know the mechanics of writing well enough to write well...
I'm just a mom with loud opinions.

quote:

Originally posted by cindahomaker:
I was nervous to share those articles as my first posts here because I didn't want anyone to think badly of me for agreeing in part with a non christian writer.

Jacinda,
I think we all suffer from this same nervousness! I was worried ya'll would take offense at the length or tone of my post!!!
Thank you ever so much for your kind words. They were just what I needed!

Ladies,
Shall I list the mistakes I have made as a parent? The Internet has not room to contain them all
Yet, God is so gracious and our children are forgiving.
And once in a while we run across a few saints with whom we can share our thoughts and struggles.
Thank you all for being here!
Blessings,
Christine

Q of 8, Your hard work paid off in your beautiful post. I love too write but I *know* I lack the writing skills it takes. Not to mention the time as I have all littles yet.

I wondered if you are familiar with any of the christian mothering type mags. Theresa writes for MOTHERING and I know a lot of christian moms read that mag. Maybe a christian mag like Above Rubies would like your thoughts on Theresa's ideas. I'm just getting familiar with Above Rubies but I noticed almost all the articles are written by regular old moms like us.

I think your article and that is truly what your finished product became would be very appreciated by other busy moms like me that can't always quickly assimilate the stuff they read.

I've been reading a lot lately b/c I am nursing an infant but I assimilate the best by writing which is very hard right now with one hand.

cinda, (Is it Jacinda or Cinda?)
I loooove Above Rubies! It is the only mag subscription that I receive. The rest seem to always assume a mother will go to work outside of the home. That's okay but not what I want.

I type one-handed quite a bit too! My nurser just turned 6months old so I really understand.

Q, My name is Jacinda.
About Above Rubies, I literally cried through the reading of the sample mag I was given by Dawn King. But I subscribed to them some months ago and haven't received and mags so I need to contact them again. I know what you mean about many of the other mags out there. I've been getting Parenting and child for years my mom subscribed for me I think the subscriptions are about to run out at least I have pictures for the kids to cut out.
There usually is only one article that sort of pertains to my lifestyle / beliefs.
So ditto to Christine about what as blessing it is to have a few saints to share with.

This past year I've frequented several birthing forums and I think a lot of christian ladies that are interested in midwifery and becoming doulas etc.. get the Mothering mag. Ramble Ramble ....

Have you heard of An Encouraging Word?
http://www.anencouragingword.net/
It's by the same people who do Homeschool Digest. A lovely magazine.
I love Above Rubies too!
Christine